Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Part 6

Today I read the chapter "Enlarge Your Soul Through Grief and Loss - Surrendering to Your Limits." This chapter is about dealing with our pain and losses and recognizing that limits are behind all loss. Scazzero talks about how try to numb our pain through things like denial, blaming, rationalizations, addictions and avoidance. Scazzero states: "We all face many deaths within our lives. The choice is whether these deaths will be terminal (crushing our spirit and life) or open us up to new possibilities and depths of transformation in Christ" (pg. 135-136).

The rest of the chapter uses Job as an example of someone who modelled biblical grieving. Scazzero gives five different phases of biblical grieving as seen in Job:

1. Pay attention - Most of us tend to ignore or mask our pain/sadness/loss but not Job. He screamed out in his pain, he shouted at God and he told God exactly what he was feeling. Most of us are uncomfortable with this. Scazzero says: "When we do not process before God the very feelings that make us human, such as fear or sadness or anger, we leave. Our churches are filled with 'leaking; Christians who have not treated their emotions as a discipleship issue" (pg. 143). Wow! That is a very different perspective on how I typically deal with pain and loss. As I stated in an earlier post, I have had difficulty expressing and recognizing my feelings. This is an area that I am slowly beginning to make some progress in. In the past I have tried to ignore or mask my pain/sadness/loss through many different methods but I am beginning to more and more to express my pain/sadness/loss to God and others.


2. Wait in the Confusing In-Between - It is very difficult to wait on God when things are confusing. We want control. In contrast, Job waited on God for a LONG time even when the people closest to him quit waiting. I hate waiting. I want answers now. This is not the way that God usually works though. In my office, beside my desk so that I can see it all day long, I have on a little post it note Psalm 37:7 which says "Be still befroe the LORD and wait patiently for Him." I need to be reminded of this on a regular basis.


3. Embrace the Gift of Limits - Whether we like it or not, we all have limits and we must embrace them. Scazzero says that embracing our limits "drives us to humility before God and others like little else" (pg. 147). Job had to embrace his limits before he could move on. We like to tend to act like we are God and we need to get off our thrones. God has been teaching me this in big ways over the last year or so. It is amazing how we can deceive ourselves into thinking that we can "do it all." I CAN'T DO IT ALL! As much as I used to think I could, I can't. Recognizing this has been very freeing.


4. Climb the Ladder of Humility - Job emerged from his suffering transformed. He was a broken and changed man. Humility is an indispensable quality for maturing in our relationship with God.


5. Let the Old Birth the New - Scazzero says: "Good grieving is not just letting go, but also letting it bless us" (pg. 151). This is what Job did. As he followed the difficult path of allowing his losses to enlarge his soul for God, God blessed him superabundantly. This theme of putting off the old and putting on the new has been central in my journey of healing and restoration.

How are you dealing with your pain/sadness/losses?

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